Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The power to choose

Gotta be grateful for the simple things in life - today I chose a coconut creme pie, my most favorite pie ever!

I don't typically have a sweet tooth, but I have my moments. I enjoy desserts very much when they are "the ones" I choose. It occurred to me over the long Memorial Day weekend that I do have a lot of power on my hands, when it comes to making decisions. I can pretty much do whatever I want, go for whatever I choose. To some people, that is such a privilege, almost a luxury, to have that power. 

The thing is - not all of my decisions align with what others think I ought to do. It is hard when they are your loved ones. My parents probably did not like it one bit when I moved out, nor do they think I should skip church every Sunday, just because I no longer benefit from it. But I chose it. I chose to live it that way. 

Choices come with responsibilities. You must stand up for yourself. You must take responsibilities. Good or bad, it's all yours. No one else will be the blame. And you shouldn't be the blame either. Sometimes we make decisions based on fear, insecurities, or low self-esteem, or based on some twisted ways of thinking that you need to do so to please others. Your choices sometimes can be oh-not-so-good for yourself, but as long as you make them with authenticity, considering all information, then running with it is the way to go. Because, at the end of the day, you will not regret. And that is what I stand by.

Have you always made decisions that are true to you? Were there times where you were inhibited in making your own choices? What were the reasons? On the other hand, should one always have the ultimate power to choose? 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


IQ - check
Emotional Intelligence - not my first nature, maybe blaming it on being an ISTJ, but I have gotten much better over the years. I guess it is true that it does come with age and being wised up through experience.
Dating Intelligence - I wish there is a class I could take! :)

Now, imagine that... in your heart, too

I am a life-long student by choice. I wish there is a manual for everything that I can just refer to. But there are things you just have to navigate on your own...

Unfortunately, life throws a fork at me at the moment. I wish there is a check list to help me yield a decision, a risk-free decision.

Being your authentic self is easier said than done. Having clear boundaries to stick to your own authenticity at all times is a must. But we are all human after all. We sway, we feel, we kick, we scream, we fight through the muddle of mixed emotions, of right and wrong, of positives and negatives, of what ifs, of perhaps...and we stall.

Let's hope this doesn't stall me for long. Let's hope however this turns out, will add a little more intelligence to my dating quotient.

Just do it.

(Image courtesy of http://bit.ly/kYzeNl)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Love Stories

.. revisited..

1. She is very happy that he called her this evening. He rarely calls her but every time he does, she jumped up and down like a high school girl. It takes her hours to get ready to go out with him. She has butterflies in her stomach the whole time, until he arrives at her doorstep. She doesn't know what she should wear. She can't pick out the right eye shadow color or the right perfume. Yet, he never remembers what her favorite dress color is. Or if she has changed her scent for the day. They have a lot of fun doing things together. They have their usual date night - set once a week. If any day he misses, she will be very upset and sad. Yet, he could careless and they would meet up again, like nothing ever happened. Most of the time, she talks, he laughs, and she's happy. She always asks him questions, how his day was, how his work project is going, or if his social group is growing. She knows literally almost everything that goes on in his life. But when they say goodbye, an empty feeling leaves her breathless. She feels insecure not knowing when she will get to see him again, when he will call her the next time.

2. She receives a phone call almost every other day, better yet, an email trail conversation for the day he doesn't call. It makes her happy that he takes the initiative to call because that is not her cup of tea. If he waits for her to call, it would be days. She told him this and he acknowledged. He likes to make plans with her, during the week and in the weekend. It's rare that they don't see each other for longer than a week. Every time they meet, she feels brand new again. And every time, it fills with joy and laughter. He notices if she wears the pink blush for the day, or if she uses a little extra perfume for the special occasion. He makes her feel special by the little things he is attentive to, sometime taking her out of surprise. She understands of his work, especially when he's too busy to be with her. And he is always there for her, when she's down and not feeling well for any reasons. Even if she has a bad night, tossing and turning to fall asleep, deep down in her heart, she knows no matter what happens, she will hear from him again. Better yet, she will get to see him soon.

Monday, May 9, 2011

A Hug was my best gift to my mom on Mother's Day

I hope my card  got to my mom on time. We live only 5 minutes away but I decided to surprise her with a card in the mail that says, "I love you". That is huge, even though it's just in writing and not it's the words that come out of my mouth. I wish I could say that over and over and over to her. I just never say it like that, ever. Not in my mother tongue, nor English. Although, if it will ever be said, it will be in English. My thought process, my emotion, and my expression now are all in English. 

My mom never said "I love you" to me, but I know she does, more than I can ever comprehend. They say, "you will love your mother more when you become a mother". I can't wait for that day to happen, but for now, I do what I can, to express my gratitude to her, in my own unspoken "I-love-you". We spent most of the afternoon yesterday shopping and having sushi buffet. My mom loves sushi. We got some new summer clothes. We were having so much fun as the four hours flied by so quick. If it hadn't been because of work, I would have spent all day shopping with her. She clearly didn't want the day to end, and neither did I. Although, my dad kept calling us to see when we would have gotten home. I wonder what I would do with my dad for a whole day, for Father's day a month from now. Maybe washing our cars? :)

I caught myself giving my mom a hug from behind (with my arms wrapping around her) several times yesterday. That was huge. Hugging and any kinds of physical affections have been a shortcoming in my family. Partially cultural influences, maybe personality, I'm not sure. But as I am emerging into this new culture of affections, verbal expressions, and somewhat individualism, I crave to build that connection with my parents, my mom specifically. I was proud to be able to hug her, just like that, with no conscious effort. Here's to more hugging with my momma! :)

Friday, May 6, 2011

Yesterday no more

Yesterday is behind me, at last.
No more hours and hours conversing,
laughing, crying and sharing with you.
No more butterflies in my stomach,
longing for the time we met.
But most importantly, no more pain
and heartache, lingering in my soul
every time we parted... I yearned.

A part of me left yesterday.

But all of me is here
Now. Today. Tomorrow. And forever more.
More happy memories. More tranquil existence.
My heart's wide-open for love
for gratitude, for change, for growth.
Without you, it seemed hard. Yet
It is just fine, without you...

Once again, Six Word Fridays from Melissa. Today's topic is Yesterday. Thank you!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Giving (and Receiving)

I advocate for "balance", that magical point in the middle where both ends are at this perfect, harmonious position, not tipping either way. When it comes to giving and receiving, my giving end tends to be quite generous. I'm not sure whether it is a personality thing, or it was something I acquired growing up. I remember catching myself saying this numerous times, "I know there is no perfect equality when it comes to giving and receiving in any kind of relationships, so I'm okay with being the giver", hmmm, quite a statement. However, in this new journey, I do want to strive for that perfect equation, in which I am allowing myself to receive. I read this notion somewhere, "Give and you will Receive more". Maybe I have been doing it right all along. Although it is more important for me now to open up my heart, to acknowledge, to allow, and to breath in what I receive. I am using this as a segueway for the main topic today, participating in the blog series for World Give Day.

The topic of this year is "Small scale donors are the backbone of philanthropy"

As an avid volunteer of Jolkona Foundation for almost a year, I do believe in small scale donations. It might have stemmed from my childhood where I frequently saved a portion of my weekly allowance to give to the homeless at church every Sunday, when I gave away my savings for flood victims, or the times I donated blood (because that was what I had easy-access to). The point is, as a young child, I shared what I had. That carried on throughout my college years, and now, I found Jolkona's mission near and dear to my heart. We provide the vehicle to allow everybody to be a philanthropist. We focus on showing the impact of each donation, whether it is a $5 to cure a diarrhea child in India, or a $150 scholarship to a educate a girl in Nepal. All donations count. All donor gets to see their proof of impact.

I encourage each and everyone of you, on this May 4, join together to GIVE.

Monetary donation is not the only way. Give your time to loved ones. Volunteer for a good cause that you are passionate about. Make someone's day by a simple smile and hello. Lend your shoulder to those in need of your support. Or give yourself a pat in the back. Whatever it is, I encourage you to do one extra "GIVING" act tomorrow.

"This post is part of a blog series inspired by World Give Day and hosted by GiveForward and Jolkona. To find other posts in this series please visit www.worldgiveday.com or follow the hashtag #giveday."