So this is how chemistry feels like...

I have felt the butterflies in my stomach before.
I have felt the twists and the turns of my gut, which at times were mistaken to be the mysterious zaa-zaa-zou.
And I have also felt the nagging of my intuition, deep in my core, telling me to get out.

But I should know the differences - the excitement
of the true, genuine, undeniable, and consuming chemistry,
that awakes the deepest part of my heart and soul.

That was what I felt.
Again,
After a long time.

happy happy joy joy

the joy of being deeply loved
is so foreign to my soul
I wait. I seek. I yearn.
it's still nowhere to be seen.

I run away from genuine interest
I push away care and respect
I wonder how joy isn't there
Only fear and pain, irking below.

Happy Happy Joy Joy I'd say
come to me please - unexpected so
easy, simple, natural, not having to
try so hard. Where are you?


six word fridays: joy - hosted by Melissa

Intelligence

IQ - check
Emotional Intelligence - not my first nature, maybe blaming it on being an ISTJ, but I have gotten much better over the years. I guess it is true that it does come with age and being wised up through experience.
Dating Intelligence - I wish there is a class I could take! :)


Now, imagine that... in your heart, too


I am a life-long student by choice. I wish there is a manual for everything that I can just refer to. But there are things you just have to navigate on your own...

Unfortunately, life throws a fork at me at the moment. I wish there is a check list to help me yield a decision, a risk-free decision.

Being your authentic self is easier said than done. Having clear boundaries to stick to your own authenticity at all times is a must. But we are all human after all. We sway, we feel, we kick, we scream, we fight through the muddle of mixed emotions, of right and wrong, of positives and negatives, of what ifs, of perhaps...and we stall.

Let's hope this doesn't stall me for long. Let's hope however this turns out, will add a little more intelligence to my dating quotient.

Just do it.


(Image courtesy of http://bit.ly/kYzeNl)

Love Stories

.. revisited..

1. She is very happy that he called her this evening. He rarely calls her but every time he does, she jumped up and down like a high school girl. It takes her hours to get ready to go out with him. She has butterflies in her stomach the whole time, until he arrives at her doorstep. She doesn't know what she should wear. She can't pick out the right eye shadow color or the right perfume. Yet, he never remembers what her favorite dress color is. Or if she has changed her scent for the day. They have a lot of fun doing things together. They have their usual date night - set once a week. If any day he misses, she will be very upset and sad. Yet, he could careless and they would meet up again, like nothing ever happened. Most of the time, she talks, he laughs, and she's happy. She always asks him questions, how his day was, how his work project is going, or if his social group is growing. She knows literally almost everything that goes on in his life. But when they say goodbye, an empty feeling leaves her breathless. She feels insecure not knowing when she will get to see him again, when he will call her the next time.

2. She receives a phone call almost every other day, better yet, an email trail conversation for the day he doesn't call. It makes her happy that he takes the initiative to call because that is not her cup of tea. If he waits for her to call, it would be days. She told him this and he acknowledged. He likes to make plans with her, during the week and in the weekend. It's rare that they don't see each other for longer than a week. Every time they meet, she feels brand new again. And every time, it fills with joy and laughter. He notices if she wears the pink blush for the day, or if she uses a little extra perfume for the special occasion. He makes her feel special by the little things he is attentive to, sometime taking her out of surprise. She understands of his work, especially when he's too busy to be with her. And he is always there for her, when she's down and not feeling well for any reasons. Even if she has a bad night, tossing and turning to fall asleep, deep down in her heart, she knows no matter what happens, she will hear from him again. Better yet, she will get to see him soon.